Dealing with internalization


#1

I’m about to send out today’s BV newsletter. This is a place to discuss the topics brought up there:

Have you ever gone silent due to internalization before? If so, I assume that, like me, it’s not a path you chose.

How have you dealt with those times when you feel stuck in yourself? What’s helped?


#2

Hi @Meredith,

Yeah, I go silent a lot. Always have.

I don’t suffer from migraines, but when the brain is spinning, I definitely clam up. I’m not Midwestern, though, lol. I LIVE in the midwest, but I’m from the South, where we talk all the time. And I love to talk, but not when I’m in brainspin, overthinking or whatever you want to call it.

For me, I can talk about it, sometimes, but so often it doesn’t help that much, especially when the stuff I’m spinning on is highly technical, and not something that the other person, usually my girlfriend, is going to understand or be able to help me work through.

When it’s like that, I have to kind of ride it out, till I can sort it out.

The only solution if really to clear the mind. Last month, I went through one of these overthinking periods, for a couple of weeks. I still managed to get some things done, but it was mostly by happenstance, not be design.

Then one day, a week or so ago, I realized that my desk was cluttered, so I cleared it off. Then I decided that what was happening was that I had no idea what I needed to do on each of the projects I was working on, so I went into Evernote, and started creating lists of all the things I was doing, and as many of the steps as I could think of.

Then I decided that I was dividing my focus, each day, by trying to touch every project, every day. So, I broke them up into different days of the week, and that has been working much better the last week or two. I can focus on one project, most of the day and get a crapload done, instead of sitting around paralyzed, wondering where to start. I call it the Fear of Starting.

The best solution for that, is to choose one thing to do, that you can’t possibly screw up: like cleaning off your desk. Taking action, even a tiny one, breaks the inertia.


#3

Hey @Steve_Bivans I find what you wrote here super interesting. First of all, I think you TOTALLY understand where I’m coming from about the clamming up. It sounds like you are innately familiar with the feeling of churning internally on a topic. I find it interesting that you say,

“When it’s like that, I have to kind of ride it out, till I can sort it out.”

That is exactly what my newsletter is about. I’ve found in the past few years that my natural inclination to wait until I had sorted things out to talk about them worked for some things, but really messed me up for The Big Ones. It was kind of like if my brain, working on overtime, could solve the problem, all was fine, but there are some problems I just was never solving alone. Perhaps they aren’t to be “solved” that way. And that is where the clam behavior was killing me. Cause I would get stuck on those topics and feel like they would never change. Could never change. They are the hardest of the hard topics.

Example:

  • Lifelong migraines, had gone to every kind of specialist, had tried every med and natural healer you can try. Felt totally stuck. Nothing anyone said could alter the churn on the topic in my impacted head.

  • Lack of clarity around what kind of job I should shoot for. More thinking about this just caused more churn. Yet I felt that talking about it was getting me nowhere. How do you solve that?

  • When Dad was showing strong signs of dementia, yet talking about it did nothing. Talking could not lead to action. I didn’t really want to talk about it. But is the clam approach the way to go? Prolly not.

I would describe these as Fear of the Answerless. No one can help me with these things. There is no where to go. Hence…silence.